Hunger: A Memoir of My Body

Genre: Non-Fiction

This is the true story of Gay, a talented and accomplished writer and the daughter of Haitian immigrants who, as a child, moved often for her father’s job as a civil engineer. She studied at the exclusive Exeter Academy and then went on to Yale University, where she was active in theater arts. As an adult, Gay struggles with her sense of self, her sexuality, and her relationship with her family. At 6’3” and, at her heaviest, 500+ lbs., she takes up a lot of space but all she wants to do is disappear. See, at the age of 12 years old she is brutally raped and this is the beginning of her feelings of self-loathing, wanting to make herself invisible so that no boy or man would ever look at her again, and mostly being lost, in every sense of the word. Her weight shapes her experiences and she is sensitive to others’ reactions to her size. About the men she encounters on the street and who regularly shame her for her size, she explains, “I try not to take these men seriously because what they’re really saying is, ‘I’m not attracted to you, I don’t want to fuck you and it confuses my understanding of my masculinity, entitlement and my place in this world”. She is now a celebrated author and a professor of writing.

This book is beautiful, sensitive and a nuanced account of Gay’s life and serves up many life lessons for us readers. I was particularly taken by Gay’s sensitive account of her rape as a young girl. She is so honest and respectful of her own story, giving just enough information so that, as the reader, you know what happened, and that you understand the fear, self-loathing and embarrassment that this poor child now carries on her shoulders as adult. This should be mandatory reading for everyone, fat or thin, in order to have a glimpse into the life of a 500+ lbs. woman. Not just the physicality of her life (not fitting into an airplane seat, for example), but her emotional understanding and observations of the world. What struck me most is just how much her insecurities affect every single aspect of her life. It is indeed a heavy load to carry. Hunger, for Gay, isn’t just about food, but, I think, the hunger for security, safety and love. I think we all carry parts of that hunger in us. I applaud Gay for her honest story telling and for sharing her story in such a brave way.