The Sound of Gravel: A Memoir

Genre: Non-Fiction

This is the true-life story of Ruth, her nine brothers and sisters, living in Mexico with her mother and her step-father. Ruth’s mother married her father, a charismatic religious leader of a small polygamist community in Mexico, when she was just seventeen years old. Soon after her birth, Wariner’s father was killed and her mother remarried Lane, a member and leader of their community. The family lived in profound poverty with a home that is crumbling, no electricity and an out-house. More importantly, the abuse in the home is rampant and there is no one to help. Wariner escapes the cycle of poverty and abuse and chooses a different life for her and her family. This is a powerful, beautifully written story of survival in the face of adversity and of the strong bonds of family.

I know poor. I grew up in one of the poorest neighborhoods in my city. Despite being very well-educated, my parents had no money and everything was limited: food, clothing, toys. I remember going on a scouts hiking trip when I was 10 years old and at the very end, tripping and falling. I wasn’t hurt, but when I looked down at my jeans and saw the rip at my knee, I started to cry. I knew it would be a while before that pair would be replaced. At the time, I didn’t know we were poor. Everyone around me had more or less what we had and that’s all I knew. It wasn’t until I was in my teens (when we moved out of the neighborhood) that I understood that we, in our neighborhood, were poor. Very poor. When I think of my early childhood, I remember it as endless summer days, playing with friends outside until well after dark, reading books, playing board games and going camping. It was a happy childhood. I suspect that I can look back and remember it so positively because I have parents who "adulted". They did all they could, under the circumstances, to provide for us kids what they could, but most importantly, they shouldered the stresses and burdens of their lives, which were, I’m sure, many.

This story isn’t about poverty. While poverty colors (with very heavy brush strokes) the story of Wariner and her family, this story is about adulting, or rather, what happens when adults refuse to adult. We live in a world where bad things happen all the time and, we, as adults need to act to protect our children. Wariner and her siblings were not lucky in that the adults around them failed them miserably.

This book will remind you of all that is important in life. Money is not a value, but is a means to an end. What you have doesn’t define who you are. Your thoughts, your actions, your family, your friends, those are the things that define us. Those are the things that matter. Wariner’s storytelling is honest and open, but mostly, you root for her and, if you’re like me, you’ll be very pleased to read the Epilogue.