Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots

Genre: Non-Fiction

This is the real life story of Deborah Feldman, born into a Satmar Hasidic Jewish family in New York City. Her father is developmentally delayed and her mother, who was lied to about his delays, leaves the marriage, the religion and her daughter when Deborah is very young. Deborah is raised by her paternal grandparents. Her upbringing in this community is very strict and insular and limits her exposure to the world outside. Deborah, however, is very bright and inquisitive and begins visiting the library and sneaking books into her room. This is the beginning of her fascination with the world outside. She is married (by an arranged marriage) by age seventeen and has a baby boy. Deborah ultimately leaves the world she grew up in and writes this book about her experiences living in and leaving this community. This is a story of learning that a light ignited by books can't be extinguished even in the darkest of circumastances.

This book showcases life for Feldman as an Ulrtra-Orthodox Jew living in this community and her struggles to break free. On those merits alone, this book is a worthwhile read. But, I found this book after watching the first episode of the Netflix show by the same name. I was so enamored by Esty, the main character in the series who is based on Deborah, and her strength and determination that I decided I had to read the book before I went any further with the show. After finishing the book, I went back to the show and kept comparing the two. They each are very good in their own rights, but are very different from each other. The most profound difference is that Deborah becomes a mother well before she leaves her husband and the community. Because she desperately is afraid of losing her son, she is propelled to do everything to keep him. Esty, who is childless, is a very hollywood-ized character in that she's flawless in her search for a new identity; she's strong, determined, vulnerable. Deborah, however, is not flawless in any part of her story. She's human and has some flawed human traits, but more importantly is a young girl of seventeen when she marries her husband. At one point in the book she talks about her husband and his sister being very close, and that she feels somehow threatened by this. She then concludes that it's OK because she is prettier than his sister, and so, he will love her more. The other big difference between these two women is that Deborah's life is much more harsh and marked by abuses than Esty's story.

Ultimately, I would recommend both the book and the series, but don't bother comparing the two.